Reset

To my elders,

I have, at a few times in my life, felt a little off the rails. Not depressed or freaking out or anything, just feeling off. Like I am not myself. Like I have gotten so in-my-own-head, or often, into the head of a book I've been reading or a show I've been watching obsessively, that I can't really remember h0w it feels to be me anymore. I get dazed and glassy eyed and can't just snap out of it.

I moved out of my parents home (kind of) when I was 17. I went to university and lived in res for the first 2 years and then in apartments with friends for the next 2 and then after a gap year of doing lot of nothing, moved to mtl. I was home for summers the first 2 years, and then home for 14 months when I finished undergrad. Which was more than long enough after not having been home for more than 5 consecutive days over the entirety of 3rd and 4th year. (Love you Mom and Dad!) I am not crazy about my home town. Which I have droned on about enough times. But the thing is, not being home also means not seeing my family. And getting that much into my own head, getting whisked off by a lack of normalcy, messes with my head. Or, it has. More than once.

I was a pretty know-thyself type my entire life. I like what I like and am happy with that. I don't really have a big desire to get swept into things and taken for a ride. I would rather do my own thing. I would rather be myself. So when I was in uni and felt, well, not like myself at times, it was really, just, weird. And I didn't really understand what had happened or why, or ya, what exactly had happened.

But I figured out how to fix it. How to Reset and be myself again. And, this is cheese factor worthy of E, but to feel normal again, I need to spend time with my family. My sisters, my parents, my cousins, the aunts and uncles, my friends whom I don't see enough, but have known me for a really long time, and get that wash, that woosh of familiarity. It sounds weird, but it totally gets me out of head. It gets me to stop being, for lack of a better term, "locked on" to some idea or feeling or whatever that has got me all messed up in the first place. I don't know wat it is that being around everyone is, exactly, but I imagine its something like, being surrounded my personalities that are similar to mine, my real one, and that are the personalities that shaped whom I am, like, reminds my brain who I am and why, and it gets to reset. To start again and be normal.

So, in particular, (and no offense A, but you know what I mean, you were in 4th year and uber busy) thanks for letting me visit that time over reading week E. My Brain appreciated the company.

-K