We are Stars and you are stars.

To my elders,

I have been known to tell upset and mid-existential crises-d friends to do stupid and silly and inconsequential things that make them happy, every day. Like watching cheesy sitcoms or vlogs or whatever. But I don't actually believe that is true. I mean, I do, its a great way to put a smile on your face. But I also became keenly aware over the past 2-3 years that having fun or having "a laugh" as the Brits say, is not the same thing as being happy. And that often, being happy has very little to do with having fun. Having fun distracts you from boredom. Having fun relieves stress. Having fun is enjoyable. But it has very little substance. And can be a little vapid. Being happy is much more connected to being satisfied.

The bigger question then, is how to become satisfied, or stay satisfied, or something like that. Well, for me, that requires a lot of hard work and a lot of things that suck, because as much as I complain about them (and trust me, I like complaining), I complain because I care. I am that mom who nags out of love. Not that I'm a mom. But anyway. If it didn't matter, it wouldn't be worth more than a rant and a rolling of the eyes. But things that matter, that really matter, are completely worth it anyway. But you have to know what's important to you. But maybe that's just my inner workaholic talking.

The idea that some thing just matter is something that stuck with me because of Stars. The band. Not the ones in the sky. The song was Barricade. The year: 2007. The album: In Our Bedroom After the War. The song is sad and a little haunting (lyrically, not musically, though a bit at the end there) and a little... violent. Which I do not advocate. But its beautiful and meaningful and I had never paid much attention to the word "matter" before then.

Lyrics below.

-K

Barricade by Stars

Trapped on the terraces, I looked at you and knew
You were the only thing that mattered
There was no one for me but you
In Harmony Street we beat a man
Just for standing there
I held my breath as I watched you swing
Then run your fingers through your hair

Oh, how could anyone not love the terrible things you do?
Oh, how could anyone not want to try and help you?

In Bermondsey in Burberry, you held me at the barricade, the pigs arrived with tear gas
And I wept at the mistakes we made
We stalked the streets like animals
And danced as windows shattered
For our island, for the thrill of it, for everything that mattered

Oh, how could anyone not want to rip it all apart?
Oh, how could anyone not love your cold, black heart?

I found you on a Saturday, and that was where I lost you
You had finally walk away because of what it cost you, years later when I saw your face
In line to catch the morning train, you looked like you'd been softened
Like you never really loved the pain

Oh, how could anyone not finally diminish?
The thrill of blood comes instantly
There's only darkness at the finish

Meet me at the barricade, I'll be at the barricade
Meet me at the barricade, the love died, but the hate can't fade
I'll be at the barricade, the love died, but the hate won't fade...